Once I saw an ostrich at the zoo, it looked like a friendly ostrch so I decided to pet him on the head. The ostrich didn't like my hand apprantly so he bit it off. Feeling a little angry and a bit sad I decided to jump over the fence to get my hand back. I chased the ostrich all over creation until I finally caught up with him. It has been said that ostriches can run up to 40 miles an hour and since I caught him that means I can run over 40 miles an hour.  When I caught up to him I jumped on him and threw him to the ground. I decided that I would use the old eye for an eye tooth for a tooth rule and I tried to bite off his hand, but he didn't have one so I bit my other one off, and we had a hand eating contest.

After I left the ostrich cage I went to the restroom to sew my hands back on, the ostrich and I decided that hands were too hard to eat because they have too many bones. It was nearly impossible sewing my hand back on because I didn't have aything to hold the needle and thread with, but I got it done.

One time i woke up in the middle of the night to tapping on my roof. i kind of got scared because in the exorcist they hear tapping in the attic before that girl gets possesed. the tapping continued for a short while until i heard a slide and then a thump. i thought to myself "hmm that was weird" and went back to sleep.

the next morning when i went out to go to school i saw a squirrel with a tiny top hat and tiny tap shoes laying on the ground dead. he should know that tap dancing on a slanted roof is dangerous.

today i met the girl of my dreams she was so beautiful and she was blind. for some reason i am really attracted to blind chicks, its probably because i am ugly. oh well. i walked up to her and said hi and she looked at me (kind of) and said hello. i said you are very pretty and she said you sound very handsom. i said i am. she said i bet. then her seeing eye dog peed on my foot. i call that karma.